Back to December
by Musicgirl xxx
Summary: Based on the song Back to December by Taylor Swift. Mentions of Kensi/Callen and spoilers for season 1 of NCIS: Los Angeles. One-shot.


Sitting in the coffee shop with a steaming mug of coffee in her hand, Kensi Blye wrapped her coat around her a little tighter and stared out to the beach where some brave souls were still out there surfing in the unusually cold Los Angeles weather. The weather reflected her mood as she checked her watch once again. Late, he was hardly ever late. She knew this had been a bad idea.

Turning in her seat to stand and leave, she was surprised to see the man himself stood behind her. One of the only men who could ever sneak up on her, G Callen.

He sat down in silence and stared blankly at her as she rambled on about the team, his family, the weather, what he had been up to at work. He was more guarded than ever and Kensi knew exactly why.

"I'm sorry"

There was a flicker of something in the blank look.

* * *

She had had to leave. She had been given a mission abroad that no one was to know about. She had asked for that mission, she couldn't take being around him anymore without saying all she wanted to but she could never do that so she chose to free herself, to leave.

She was just going to leave, up and go in the middle of the night, and no one would be any the wiser. Hetty would know of course, when was there ever anything that Hetty didn't know, and the others would all find out when she returned, but trust him to change all her plans. He never followed a script, never played by the rules, so why should she have thought that he would have this time.

When she opened the door to the sight of him stood on her doorstep in the cold December evening air with a bunch of roses in his hand, her heart leapt. She had had a crush on him since she had started working with him, but she never thought he would return her feelings. Then her heart fell again. She was leaving, she couldn't change that now, so she did the one thing she could think of. She dropped the roses.

When the sun rose she was gone.

* * *

No one knew when his birthday was so they celebrated it in a chosen day. Kensi had sat in her small apartment and drunk herself into unconsciousness staring at the phone. She didn't call. Drinking didn't erase the memories though. Memories of car journeys, Callen's rare laugh, those moments when they all relaxed.

A year and a half of sleepless nights later and she completed the mission. Still the hollow feeling remained.

He'd offered her his love, something that took as much trust as it did love for him but she'd turned him away. She'd betrayed his trust in her and she'd lost him, all because of her inability to talk, to explain.

So here she was, in a quickly emptying out coffee shop as rain poured outside, apologising, saying sorry, that she missed him. He would have been good for her, one of the only ones that had seen her cry. He had held her that night after her partner died, letting her cry into his shoulder as he soothed her gently.

Maybe she was wishing for something impossible, how could he trust her again after she had left him like that? But if he ever gave her another chance, she would never hurt him again. She still loved him, how could she not? He was everything she wanted and she had given it up.

* * *

Swallowing her pride she apologised once again.

"I'm sorry"

The man sat across from her still showed no signs of talking, silent from the start, and there was no recognition in his crystal clear blue eyes this time.

Another few painful moments of silence followed before Kensi heaved a sigh. This was no use, he wasn't ever going to forgive her. She stood, his blue eyes tracking her movements despite the silence.

"I'm so sorry. I loved you and I never thought you would love me back so I asked for a mission abroad. I couldn't work with you without being with you. You turned up that night and I was so happy at first, then I remembered that I was leaving and I couldn't take being with you but being so far away. I thought it wouldn't work. I don't know what I was thinking. You deserve better and I hope you find someone who will treat you better. Just know that I loved you and that I still love you."

With that Kensi walked towards the door. Just as she opened the door, she heard a shout.

"Kensi!"

She turned to see he had stood and now was stood just a little way from her, hand in the pockets of his jeans, his trademark leather jacket on. She turned and a small slight smile flitted across his face. And then she felt it ...

Hope.

* * *

I was listening to Back to December by Taylor Swift and this popped into my head. It's unbeta'd so I hope it's ok. If you like it please review.


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